Aha, now I can

The most crazy beautiful thing happened to me yesterday morning. I went to see this customer who had somehow invited a whole lot of spyware on to his computer. So I temporarily disabled restore, booted into safe mode and started to run some scans. I saw that it was going to take ages and its kind of boring watching a progress bar so I asked him to please entertain me or I would have to go out and get some fags.

"Do you play chess?" he asked
"Kinda" I replied.

So he got out his chess set, but it was a very expensive chess set in which all the bits were very fancy models. Like there was an armadillo thing and that was a pawn. There was a dragon thing and that was one of the knights. The queen resembled Barbara Streisand. It was very hard to tell which piece belonged to which side.

So we played a game of chess. It was hard though because he's had a stroke and can't remember what anything is called. And neither of us could reliably say what anything was. So it was like
"Can you do that? Isn't that a bishop"
(Pause while I put on glasses so I can read underside of chess piece. Leg missing from specs so specs fall off)
I think its a bishop
(Pause while Kev attempts to remember the word for thing that goes diagonally)
Its a... its a ...
Bishop?
Yeah

It was brilliant, especially since I won. I only won because he accidentally sacrificed his queen early on, believing it to be a pawn. I could see that with a proper set and without the stroke he's have whopped my arse.

It was brilliant because it made his day and you know what, it made mine too