And then..

..all of a sudden it seems I have not smoked for Two months, three days, 20 hours, 28 minutes and 31 seconds. 2514 cigarettes not smoked, saving £649.90. Life saved: 1 week, 1 day, 17 hours, 30 minutes.

• I am fed up with life without fags.
  
• Every evening goes on forever and is no fun.
  
• Every part of me itches.
  
• I hear myself moan on and on about everything to everyone.
  
• There is a faint atmosphere of tomato soup coming up from my lungs all the time and it is debilitating.
• I am a great big fatso now.
• My only relief is in being drunk and sleeping with people I shouldn't.

I thought I might be able to blog myself back to joy. But then was I ever there?

Been thinking about why I complain so much and I suddenly got it, its because I don't think its fair. Whew - listen to the first sentence I uttered this morning. "I just want my sink outlet to go down a pipe into a drain, like everyone else's does". (Sink currently outletting over a concrete bit of the garden because a pipe fell off)
Well that's fucked up thinking. Sure, its true that most people's used washing-up water goes down a drain at this point in time. But what I mean to imply with my sulky whinge is that this sort of thing doesn't happen to anybody but me. I am so so so unlucky.

But am I buggery unlucky. Check it out. I live in a 5 bedroom house that I have complete control over. I have enough money to live on. I love my job. I am my own boss and my business is thriving. I have 3 children that are, in the main, superb. Though I have smoked 40 fags a day for nigh on 30 years, I do not have emphysema or lung cancer (touch wood). I can think of at least 5 men who would love to be my boyfriend. I have many and varied lovely and loyal friends. I have the freedom to do what I like. I've got a brilliant dog, an ace piano teacher, loads of good books to read and an acting workshop to go to on Monday's.

Off to take Ali to Guides now. More later.