Still Here...

It's just that things in Quitland aren't particularly thrilling. Unless you count the fact that I've started having panic attacks, which does kind of indicate that I smoked for self-medication (many people do), and now I've stopped I have to learn to breathe again.

Smoking lesson number 1. Smokers breathe in a particular way when they are dragging -- usually a long slow in-breath, hold, long slow out-breath, relax. Repeat. In fact, it is just like the kind of breathing "they" teach you if you're prone to anxiety and panic attacks.

So, 20 or 30 times a day, you perform perfect yogic breathing -- well, if you ignore the toxins (my body is a refuse dump) -- for somewhere between 3 and 6 minutes. It's great. But then you stop smoking, and, if you are prone to anxiety (waves hands) then suddenly you have to learn to do stuff. Except you forget to learn that stuff because you're busy fighting with all the other new stuff you have to remember to do. Like, not smoke. Ever. Even though you want to. So, somewhere in that struggle you have to remember to breathe. And also remember that if something a little anxiety-inducing happens, you can't smoke and thus indulge in some yoga breathing -- you have to learn to do it yourself.

Quitting sucks.

Nonetheless:

Three months, 16 hours, 6 minutes and 57 seconds. 2780 cigarettes not smoked, saving £764.53. Life saved: 1 week, 2 days, 15 hours, 40 minutes.

Where Do the Cravings Come From

Where you're alone in your bed? Tell me the thoughts that surround me. I want to look inside my head.

Oh, it's just the nicotine receptors kicking up a fuss, I know. Even watching Stevie doesn't help. Let's try Arcade Fire instead. Reminds me of when I used to be in a band (did I ever tell you, etc). I've probably pointed you to it before, but hey! Let's go:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJRSG95-WEU

Play it loud, play it big. Well filmed, I think, to capture the "being there". The wu, or something.

The desire for a fag is quite strong at the moment, so I might be forced to watch Christina Aguilera or something (don't worry, not rude, just a non-sequiter). Perhaps a meter flash would do it:

Two months, two weeks, 19 hours, 38 minutes and 52 seconds. 2274 cigarettes not smoked, saving £625.50. Life saved: 1 week, 21 hours, 30 minutes.

Oho, that is a lot of money. Must almost be time to buy something again. Spending. Perhaps that's what I need. Perhaps I need to take Christina to lunch and be serenaded by Arcade Fire. That would take my mind off things. Especially if Meg and Sandra came along to provide a little adult conversation. Then Christina could sing loud. Then we could all do karaoke, during which I'd do my Christina impression. No, really, it's good.

At least, that's what Kate said when she popped around for a cuppa the other day.

A good screaming sing-along is what I need:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OnwfAABH